Am very bummed out lately, 'coz of the MUET...

i admit it, i was nervous, but i sure didn't expect the total blankout i had...

never in my life have i had such a profound moment, where i totally did not know what i was gonna write...everything did not make sense, didn't sound right...

at then, the animal instincts kicked in...

it was fight or flee...

and u know what?

i actually wanted to run...

get the h**l out of there,

but

i couldn't

so

i wrote a whole bunch of nonsense...

total junk...

and my hands were shaking as i tied the string on the papers...

i wanted to cry...

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I dread going to school tomorrow...

Not because i've done anything horrible or anything... but i just can't face the thought of going to school looking as i do now...

well.... first of all, my hair is now back to the stage where it looks like i'm just starting to keep it long...you know, the embarrasing stage where everything kinda looks a bit messy( make that VERY messy) cause the hair is a bit too short to stay in its place properly...it looks fine when i just leave it down, but when i put it up... well...

I wish i could just leave it hanging as it is, but school rules(haha) dictates that it must be up in a ponytail if it's long enough to cover your collar... problem is, mine's not even a ponytail, chicken feather's more like it...

whatever propelled me to cut my hair that short i have no idea... perhaps it's the inner me, who is sick of all this s*** lately trying to CHANGE something...actually, i kinda like the new do, if it didn't make me feel so silly...

Haih...

today, as i was channel surfing, saw that NTV7 was showing Mulan(another version besides the disney one), and it got me thinking...

i guess not many know that before Mulan was dug out of the depths of chinese literature and history, she was actually just a character short passage in chinese...

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perhaps it was the idea of a chinese Joan Of Arc appealed to the people at disney.. perhaps by potraying a character that was so brave and her dilemmas in not being able to express her feelings to the ones she wanted to trust most appealed to the western romantics

but i am thankful, because they have started to make an effort to understand.

I knew it seem absurd to buy a book just because of the title, or because the book faintly hinted to a sequel of my favourite couple, NOT written by the original author, but some other person. Thankfully, after reading a book, i can loudly proclaim that buying the book was definitely worth while:

Mr Darcy's Daughters by Elizabeth Aston

 The story picks up about twenty one years after the events of Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth and Darcy are as in love with each other as they were before ( which seriously earns it some brownie points in my books), and elizabeth, who can't bear to be separated from darcy ( actually, neither can he) has followed him to constantinople( where Darcy has been sent for some diplomatic business), and leave their children in the care of their relatives.

well, in case your curious, they have seven children, five daughters and two boys. While the boys are left in the care of their grandfather(Mr Bennet), the girls are given a chance to stay in London with a cousin of Darcy's( Mr Fitzwilliam/Colonel Fitzwilliam, as some would remember from P&P) and his wife. The two eldest girls are of age, and Fitzwilliam's wife, Fanny, is determined to get them a good match as it is "The Season" in London, and gets more than she bargain for.

My favourite character in the book, is none other than the heroine, Miss Camilla Darcy. Hui fen has always teased me about my penchant for the main characters, which is sometimes consider rather shallow, because it is as if i only see what the author wants me to see, and nothing more, but there is no argument on this one. People who know me know i have never held much regard for people with names like Camilla, but this is one camilla that you can't help but symphatise with...

Camilla Darcy, is the second daughter, after Letitia, the eldest. Letitia, is annoying and hypocritical, which sort of dissapoints me, for she IS after all, supposed to be the first born of Elizabeth and Darcy, two such intelligent and sensible people...but Camilla is the one that is more like her mother, intelligent, book-loving, and independent minded.

so, the book is generally about the adventures of Camilla and her sisters while in London. and adventures is a nice way to put it, because life in london for the rich and the elite is not just about parties and dancing, there is also lots of scandal, jealousy and more scandal involved.

The girls, being Darcy's, are each heiress in their own rights, worth fifty thousand points a piece(this thread is mentioned throughout the book. why the people in the olden days like to refer to women as if they were properties with price tags on them i have no idea.) Although only 2 of the girls are of age, the arrival of the 5 of them stirr immediate news and interest in London. besides the two eldest, the next in line is Belle and Georgiana, both beauties, but resembling so much in their behaviour to their aunt Lydia that one really feels like slapping some sense into them. the last is Alethea, the musical genius, very likeable indeed in her intelligent observations, but a bit too tactless for her own good.

Many of the characters in P&P appear in the book. Lydia, Caroline Bingley, The Gardiners.Mr Gardiner, Lizzie's aunt and uncle are now very rich, but are not as respected as their money should dictate, for their fortune is from trade. though so, their daughter has managed to find herself a delightful match in one rich, handsome and influential man, Mr Wyntton.

Mr Wyntton hates Camilla at first sight. He has vowed to hate women who are too smart for their own good, and Camilla's wit annoys him. Camilla too, finds Wyntton annoying and rude, but all is not as it seems.... haha, this is the part where the cliche comes in....

Wouldn't spoil the fun for you, but Wyntton reminds one of Darcy, in more ways than one. Camilla is like a Lizzie and Anne rolled into one, and is superb, though sometimes a bit annoying in the fact that she doesn't tell her elder sister a piece of her mind like she should. The author has refrained from hitching too much on Lizzie and Dracy, so they are only mentioned in passing throughout the book....

All in all, very enjoyable read. one question though, why must they always refer to the men using their last names? i once berated myself for forgetting what Darcy's first name was, and only remembering him as Mr Darcy, but when i reread it to find out for myself, i realised that was because it was so seldom used.... why?

for once, i'd like to make my own decisions,

for once, i'd like to forego the emotional blackmail,

the threats,

the insults,

the put-me-downs.

the "come on, be more REALISTIC"s

the "who do you think you are?"s

the "stop dreaming, you won't make it"s

the "don't you dare"s

and be able to breathe,

to make my own mistakes,

to make my own life out of it...

Perhaps then i won't feel so trapped,

as though struggling against the tide,

as though being chucked into the deep end of a swimming pool,

when i don't even know how to swim...

p/s: i don't care what she says, this is MY LIFE.

on saturday, 8TV reran the movie Ùv¾«ÏÈÉú¡£ i have already seen these movie once when it was shown the 1st time, but i still found myself drawn to it...

sure, HK movies of late have been getting cornier and cornier, but once in the while you get a few rare gems. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying these movies are worthy of an oscar or a place in the history books, but they have redeeming qualities in the fact that they are so..."human"

one quote that touched my heart:

¡°Ç°·½Ïµ½^·£¬Ï£ÍûÔÚÞD½Ç¡±¡£

soppy, i know, but touching all the same.

A friend i recently made introduce this author to me, said she was brilliatlly funny, so i decided to check it out. Anyway, here's a brief review of the book she recommended...

Royal Treatment by Mary Janice Davidson

Genre: Romance

   The story is like this. In this alternate world, Alaska is not an American State, rather, it is a country of it's own, ruled by a bunch of eccentric, make that very eccentric royals. The king, likes to dress up as a commoner and goes fishing, where he meets the protagonist, an american girl down on her luck stranded in alaska. He immediately likes her and wants to pair her off with his son, David, the crown prince....unknown to the girl, of course...

Anyway, like all other chick-lit/romance books, this provides nothing much besides some good old fashioned fun. girl falls in love, gets into all sorts of weird circumstances, not to mention compromising situations(this is after all, romance) and getting out of the messes she gets herself into. the heroine is generally lovable, decent, humorous, a bit too keen on swearing, but it comes out funny rather than being rude. One particularly good point is the way the author manages to tie the book to current happenings and trends, even if it IS set in an alternate reality... u see referances to robin williams, year 2005 stuff... all sorts, which is very entertaining to that aspect.

and the important point, the guy.... well, lets say he is quite the dashing prince. tall, polite, eventhough he is slightly harassed by the heroine, he plays it cool... ok.

being romance, there will after all be a few parts similar to the raspberry picking part in The Undomestic Goddess by sophie kinsella. as long as you are not a prude, and this is romance, not smut, things get along just fine....

after this, may read her other books. Undead and unemployed looks like an interesting enough book.

Reading hui fen's blog, i suddenly felt an urge to write this...

Today, the stpm results for 2005 came out. sure, those results have nothing to do with me, yet, at the same time, they reminded me of the sad state of affairs my life has become...

no, i am not studying my head off at the moment, neither do i see that happening any time soon. not a single day goes by without me thinking, "why oh why have i chosen this path... " "why couldn't things have been different"... then i berate myself for being negative, and proceed to tell myself to be more positive... that i am already better off than a lot of people....and the negative clouds of energy part for a while, only to come back the next day, the day after and the day after that...

i wish things were under my control, then perhaps i won't feel so much like the deer caught in the headlights... knowing that death is certain but having no way to escape.

today, i saw Walk The Line. it was tres inconvenient, because the only cinema that was still showing it was GSC Midvalley, and there was only one slot.

anyway, the movie was enjoyable. it was actually a pretty sombre movie. most movies we do watch these days don't begin with such a gruesome yet somehow touching death.

throughout my life some far, i have heard of people like Elvis, The Beatles and johnny cash, but besides the fact that elvis impersonators have become somewhat of a cliche, we don't usually get the chance to really KNOW these "legends". of course, i am alreally luckier that a lot of people i know, some haven't even heard of "Grease".

the love story between Johnny and June was very touching, the part where june's parents pointed a gun at the drug-dealer for turning up at johnny's house was amusing yet moving... but when u watch the movie, there is one question, How did Johnny fall in love with June is the first place?

Perhaps movies that choose to depict real life are almost always like that. In true fiction, there is always that defining moment, the part where the boy SUDDENLY SEES the girl for a first time and falls in love. But i guess real life isn't like that... johnny falling out of love with his 1st wife was a process, falling in love with June was another... whether or not these two processes overlapped was beside the point...

I am usually a tough supporter of the 1st wives club. I believe that no man has the right to one day wake up and declare that he has fallen out of love with his wife and demands a divorce.. or worse, suddenly deciding to run away into the sunset with a nice young thing... but perhaps there are exceptions...

According to the movie, June Carter died in May 2003, Johnny died 4 months later... perhaps there IS true love in this world...

: )

I lost the Public speaking competition today... the Star-Hsbc one...

i didn't even get into the semi-finals...

but one weird thing, not only was i not dissapointed, i was actually happy.

this is not a sign of someone who lost and trying desperately to maintain their composure, rather, i was happy because, for once, i felt that i lost to people that were REALLY good... like the chinese saying, "xin fu kou fu".

trying the competiton today was a really eye-opening and humbling experience. These people were REALLY GOOD. not that i'm saying everyone of the contestants who got into the semifinals were great (actually some were pretty bad, makes me a bit embarassed to have lost to them) but some of them were so talented, that somehow losing to them didn't seem that painful.

Hui fen was right, the prelims is definitely something i should not have tried to chicken out of. so what if i didn't get in, the 10 dollars i paid for the prelims was definitely more worthwhile than the 20 i paid for the workshop.

i learnt sooo many things today that i didn't even KNOW during the workshop. and if i do decide to join again next year, or the year after (since i only turn 20 in august)i will be much better prepared...

as much as i hate to admit this, maybe that girl Sabella was right, u di learn much more from ur failures than ur triumphs.. doesn't mean i think failing has anything to do with "A storm in a teacup" though... :P