Reading hui fen's blog, i suddenly felt an urge to write this...

Today, the stpm results for 2005 came out. sure, those results have nothing to do with me, yet, at the same time, they reminded me of the sad state of affairs my life has become...

no, i am not studying my head off at the moment, neither do i see that happening any time soon. not a single day goes by without me thinking, "why oh why have i chosen this path... " "why couldn't things have been different"... then i berate myself for being negative, and proceed to tell myself to be more positive... that i am already better off than a lot of people....and the negative clouds of energy part for a while, only to come back the next day, the day after and the day after that...

i wish things were under my control, then perhaps i won't feel so much like the deer caught in the headlights... knowing that death is certain but having no way to escape.